


I've never been perfect (but neither have you)

by chailover



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 11:53:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13030500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailover/pseuds/chailover
Summary: When Kisame joined the Akatsuki, he didn't expect that his reward for having Madara's trust was to be partnered with a TEENAGER. What did he do to deserve this!?





	I've never been perfect (but neither have you)

**Author's Note:**

> ...the working title was 'Nanowrimo/Kisame and Itachi's Excellent Adventures'. Not particularly serious, not particularly long. I started writing a B-side (or Itachi-side), but didn't get too far. That's the story of my stories. *thumbs up*
> 
> Title from Leave out all the rest.

**

Madara put it in very nice terms, of course. “A new member would be joining our organization. I need you to partner with him.” There’s no reading his face (eyehole?) because of the mask, but the pause was significant. “Report any suspicious actions - he’s a valuable resource, but his goals might not be ours.”

In other words, Madara didn’t trust this new guy, and wanted Kisame to keep an eye on him. The former Mist shinobi shrugged. Always nice to be trusted.

That opinion totally changed after he actually met this ‘new member’. It was a KID. Not only a kid, but a TEENAGER. Oh, great Shinobi gods, what did he do to deserve this?! Didn’t he serve well and faithfully, even going as far as killing perfectly innocent (or not) comrades in the name of the greater good?

Instead of great rewards in the way of awesome battles to test his mettle and a perfect world free of lies…he get to deal with a kid. Kisame thought he was past this when he swore to himself that Suigetsu was going to be the last young person he willingly dealt with again. But no, there’s a teenager in the Akatsuki robes at the end of the pier. The whole ‘you’re an adult once you make genin rank’ rule is bull. Regardless of how well someone can end lives, the lack of years lived just meant they were little shits that happened to be good at killing, not adults.

He tried to be polite, even if he was really annoyed. Over the years he’s learned that people drew their own conclusions about him based on his appearance - he did resemble a shark, after all - and while it was fun to prove them right and scare the pants off of them by being the terrifying, deadly, mindless predator that they thought he was, it was absolutely _hilarious_ when he did that AND was polite, because that never failed to throw them into a tizzy of confusion and doubt. Well-spoken monsters apparently weren’t the norm, go figure.

The kid...wasn’t bad. He wasn’t as cranky or sullen as Kisame thought he’d be for being a teenager, and for someone tiny - granted, he was a little biased considering almost everyone was tiny compared to him and Samehada - he seemed skilled. Bony, though, and probably not delicious.

He contemplated telling the kid that. Some people are easily rattled by the possibility of cannibalism (even though he basically would be telling him that he wasn’t interested!), and anything he said was made more convincing by the sharp serrated teeth, but was disappointed when this Itachi kid didn’t even bat an eye when Kisame gave in to the urge to try and scare him. Hmph, humans are not fish, indeed.

Regardless, Kisame was convinced that his new partner was going to be a little shit, just by virtue of his teenager-hood. This was not going to be fun.

**

He was right. 

The kid was Uchiha Itachi, of the Sharingan. Kin-slayer, clan-killer, murderer of the worst kind, or so they say. He was also annoyingly OCD, frustratingly right all the time, and a sneaky little copycat.

When he told Itachi that, the kid had the gall to do a slow cat-blink at him with his blood-red eyes, as if to say “Sharingan, DUH.”

It started with a simple mission: their client wanted the local bandits captured alive so they can be interrogated on their hidden base, which potentially contained other conspirators and more importantly, things of value. The Uchiha favored fire - this was known even outside of Fire Country, and pretty easy to figure out considering their Clan crest. Though, Kisame was a little confused, because if it was a fan, wouldn’t it mean that their elemental affinity should be wind, to help fire? ...Anyway.

So in previous skirmishes, Itachi had proven proficient with fire, no surprise there. He was also good at throwing sharp pointy things into vulnerable, hard to reach spots - also no surprise. But since they needed these men alive, and not charbroiled, bisected, shaved into bloody lumps or stabbed a thousand times by shuriken, their options were somewhat limited. Itachi, the little shit, didn’t say anything, but Kisame will eventually just learn that unless someone super strong needed a nice beating or there needed to be actual slaughter to make a point, he should just let the kid put everyone and their moms under a genjutsu. No muss, no fuss, which suited them both fine.

But no, this time they hadn’t worked out that formation by the time the bandits actually tried to ambush them (seriously?! Didn’t anyone read the flee-on-sight orders?). So Kisame made the signs and performed a water release technique, he can’t even remember which one now, which basically washed their attackers away and tossed them downstream a bit until they were nice and unconscious, albeit slightly waterlogged.

Anyone that was left awake, he let Samehada feed on their chakra for a few minutes and they went right back into sleepy-land. And that was that, another successful mission under their belts (robes?). Alas, if it was always that simple.

Three days later, their client’s enemy sent shinobi after them, and one of them blew a giant stream of fire at them.

Kisame was struck dumb. Really, did someone just try to shoot fire at _him_ , expert Water release user? And at Itachi, who probably would just blow it back at them with an even BIGGER fireball? This forest was not long for life, he thought.

And then the little shit summoned water and washed the fire (and enemy ninja) away, his sneaky hands flashing through the same signs that Kisame had days earlier.

That little _copycat_. Kisame wasn’t sure if he was more pissed or impressed.

The volume of water wasn’t as huge - Kisame wasn’t called the Tailed Beast Without A Tail for no reason, but for someone that learned the technique just by looking at the handseals days ago, without practicing - because Kisame would have _noticed_ , dammit - it wasn’t bad.

**

 

They have a nighttime ritual - which if he thought about it too hard, was a little terrifying - he was the Monster of the Hidden Mist, he did not have nighttime rituals. But yeah, whether it’s around the campfire, or beside their futons, they would take the time to care for their weapons together. 

Kisame mostly just cleaned Samehada - the sword was taller than Itachi, and that whole little gimmick of abrading the flesh and skin off opponents tend to leave a mess in the spines. He could leave it, yeah, and Samehada will probably absorb it like the sword eats chakra, but why risk it? And besides, ingrained habits were hard to break. Not all swords were semi sentient, after all.

Itachi would sit a few arms lengths away and go through every one of his bajillion shuriken, kunai, senbon, and whatever else he had hidden up his sleeve. Kisame wasn’t sure where he kept it all, though the majority of them had to be in the sealing scrolls, because that much metal can’t possibly fit. …right?

But yeah, the kid would sit there and clean, sharpen, oil and polish. Kisame suspected it doubled as meditation. And it wasn’t enough for every blade to be just keen enough to spill a man’s guts - the edge on every weapon had to be hair-splittingly sharp. 

It was a nice ritual, spending quiet moments to prepare for the next battle. Kisame had yet to see the fiery passion that the Uchiha were known for, but there was no denying that Itachi was steady, almost more like a placid lake than any sort of fire.

**

Very occasionally, Kisame would catch a glimpse of pitch black eyes. Usually in the mornings, in the moment of awakening. Much, much later he would learn that while it was distrust in the beginning, mostly it was just crap vision and general caution. Rarely, Itachi’s eyes would go black for some other reason.

One time, they were parlaying with some rogue samurai that harbored deep mistrust of ninja. That was fair enough this time, because Akatsuki’s true mission was to kill them all. But it turned out that their base was located so strategically and optimally that if they really wanted, it would take forever even for someone of Pain or Kisame’s skill to dig them out. And that was _after_ obliterating the mountain range in order to find them first. So infiltration via pretend-peacemaking was the plan. Even if it involved giving up all their ninja weapons and letting their chakra be sealed.

Kisame wasn’t terribly worried. Chakra aside, his vitality and stamina were matchless, and he wasn’t one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist for his ninjutsu. After all, a samurai stronghold was guaranteed to have lots of sharp beauties for him to ‘borrow’, and he was fairly confident the samurai stronghold wouldn’t have anyone he couldn’t take on with a sword in hand.

Itachi, he was mildly concerned about. Because, yes, he has excellent chakra control and in a fight he can use it well enough to shatter rock or crush bone, but without it, he’s still a teenager. Without the flowy robes he looked extra skinny and bony, and Kisame wasn’t sure he liked the kid’s chances bare-handed against steel.

Not because he cared or anything. Dead partners can’t watch his back, after all.

Just goes to show that Kisame was still occasionally stupid. It was like the part he read about Itachi’s background that said ‘ANBU at age eleven’ didn’t even register.

Okay, Kisame believed Konoha was too soft, because seriously, being able to do a basic clone and pass a test meant you can graduate from the Academy? Compared to kill or be killed in Hidden Mist? No contest. But he also couldn’t deny that, despite of that softness, they produced some strong fighters, and their ANBU wasn’t anything to be underestimated.

The little shit - and god, Kisame was now thinking that _fondly_ \- cast the perfect genjutsu without a single flicker of red in his eyes. He just stood there looking reedy and thin-shouldered, girly haired, doe-eyed. Kisame could almost see the moment their hosts’ eyes start sliding over him, dismissing him as weak, pretty, not a threat. Kisame wasn’t sure where their animal instinct went, because the shark part of him was wary as fuck. 

Yeah, and then when the battle started, Itachi grabbed a sword just like Kisame did, and started cutting large swaths through their enemies. Kisame would’ve smacked a hand against his forehead if he had the spare moment. ANBU at eleven, murdered his entire clan which consisted of many skilled ninja with the same eyes as him two year later, and apparently a swordmaster. DUH.

He’s not even sure why he bothered being surprised anymore, geez.

Afterward, he said, “I didn’t know you knew how to use a sword,” as he tossed aside his temporary blade as he retrieved Samehada from the lockup. His sword purred in his grip.

Itachi flicked the blood off his own borrowed weapon with a practiced motion and sheathed it - because of course the kid took both the blade and the sheathe - and shrugged. “There are many things we don’t know about each other, I’d imagine.”

“It would’ve been nice to know,” Kisame grinned widely, knowing it bared his sharp, serrated teeth. “I could always use a sparring partner.”

Itachi placed the sword carefully on an empty display rack, and Kisame dug around the box of their belongings for their robes. Itachi’s robe was rolled up neatly, and heavier than it looked with all the other sharp objects carefully tucked within. Kisame handed it over with a raised eyebrow. “I have a feeling that would be unwise, you were one of the Seven Swordsman of the Mist, after all.”

Somehow Itachi made it both a backhanded compliment and a subtle insult at the same time. Kisame rolled his shoulders to let his robe settle. His muscles were only a little tired, the sword he used was a bare fraction of Samehada’s weight, after all. “You are a very old man, for having seen less than two decades. Haven’t you ever done anything unwise?”

Itachi’s eyes were still black, and that made the little quirk of his mouth seem sad rather than terrifying as it would normally be under activated Sharingan. “Many things, Kisame. Many things.”

**

Sure, there were missions and plenty of blood-pounding battles against strong opponents, but a large part of their time was spent walking around getting from point A to point B, which may or may not include a nice fight at the end. Sometimes it was just courier or bodyguard duty that went without a hitch, and the hours are long. Itachi wasn’t naturally talkative, but he had an accepting air about him that said even though he wasn’t replying, he was listening. Kisame wasn’t fooling himself in thinking that the boy was actually interested or invested, but he knew that his words were noted, because if nothing else Itachi was obsessively observant and analytical. He read intentions, motivations, emotions on people like others would read text on a newspaper, and Kisame wasn’t sure what was being read from him, only that it was happening.

So he talked and occasionally Itachi answered with a look or a question. 

One day, on their way to Waterfall, their conversation turned to graduating from the ninja academy in their respective villages. Kisame felt vaguely like he was an old man reminiscing about his old school days.

“Really? A written test and a demonstration that you can do a clone, that’s it?” 

Itachi nodded. “There’s another test to become genin and be placed with a jounin instructor, but that is all that’s required for the academy.” He gave Kisame a sidelong look. “I’ve heard that Hidden Mist had a different practice, but it was discontinued.”

Kisame laughed. “Ahh, yes. The Village of the Bloody Mist,” wow, he really sounded like an old man. “Well, there’s no denying that the graduates are strong and smart, because that’s the only way to stay alive.” He shrugged, “it wasn’t great for producing enough shinobi to support the village though, since so many were being killed. It depends on one’s perspective, I suppose.” Curious, he peered down at Itachi - yup, still tiny - “How do you think you would’ve done, had you been in Mist?”

Itachi made a considering noise. “I suppose we’ll never know.” He murmured.

Kisame thought about it after they fell back into comfortable silence. Itachi’s chakra was strong, but his reserves were not particularly large. His control and speed were absolutely superior, but that was after a lifetime of training, though granted it’s been a short lifetime so far. His survival instinct was okay, but his victories were the result of his brains, not his guts. An even tinier Itachi wouldn’t’ve managed well against the older, more bloodthirsty candidates in Mist, though if he had the Sharingan Kisame wouldn’t put it past the little jerk to put all his opponents in a genjutsu. Whether he could kill them in cold blood afterward was another matter, though that has less to do with soft-heartedness than it did with being wasteful.

Kisame was briefly amused at the thought of a tiny Itachi arguing solemnly with the proctors that it was pointless to kill someone that’s already defeated because then they’d have to wait another few years to train up another batch of candidates, and capable shinobi-to-be are needed now.

**

Kisame had to admit, finally, that for a teenager Itachi was not bad, and out of all of his potential choices for partners in the Akatsuki, they were the best match. The Zombie Twins have always rubbed him the wrong way - Kisame liked fighting, and while that often caused pain, he didn’t enjoy causing pain for the sake of causing it. Sasori and Orochimaru were creepy, even by Kisame’s very high tolerance of creepy. Pain and Konan were practically married, though Kisame’s instincts never thought that was the whole of it. Oh, well, it’s practically the Akatsuki motto that it’s none of his business until it becomes a problem on the path to world domination. Zetsu was weird enough to technically count as two members, and he’d be pretty useless in a fight for all his skills at information gathering. 

Normally that’s not a problem because Kisame’s got a whole string of nicknames after his full name that earned his S-rank missing nin status, but his strength was what drew strong opponents, and Kisame was old enough to know that the shinobi that survived do so just as much due to luck as it was to their own skill. Sometimes it was nice to have a partner that could back you up fully, even if he was a shrimp with girly hair.

Itachi was also annoyingly good at keeping them out of sticky non-combat situations, or extracting them once they accidentally stepped in shit. Kisame suspected more of the Uchiha Clan Heir experience at work there, the kid actually talked one of the Lords they might have accidentally offended into apologizing for receiving the insult once. The guy looked like he was going to puke, SO HILARIOUS. Kisame guessed it went with the whole air of ‘holier than thou’ that the Uchiha seem to extrude like a particularly weird perfume.

Orochimaru though, that little poacher, really wanted Itachi. Kisame had seen those covetous looks before, though granted usually on men looking at gold, or at some beautiful women. Directed at Itachi though, it was gross, because the kid was like, fourteen! Ok, he might’ve been up to sixteen, it’s not Kisame’s fault it’s hard to tell the ages of tiny people. And of course the snake bastard did the whole tongue thing, which was even more ew. Even Itachi’s expression shifted a little at that, for all that it would’ve been impossible to tell for all the other members gathered there, since they were image-only. Kisame saw that exact face the one time one of the stray cats that followed them for pettings hacked up a hairball right at their feet. Total EW.

Like, seriously, Orochimaru, if you want the kid’s eyeballs, just try to get his eyeballs, Kisame thought. Do it without the perverted eye caresses and tongue-action. 

He was glad Pain put a stop to that whole fiasco.

And then a few days later, when he returned from taking care of a little bit of his own personal business, he finds out that Orochimaru did not appreciate Pain putting a stop to that fiasco and some serious shit had gone down as a result.

1\. Orochimaru tried to attack/kidnap/place in bondage Kisame’s little shit of a partner.  
2\. Itachi, understandably, was Not Pleased, and kicked his ass for it. Though in Itachi’s case that just meant he chopped off a hand. Seriously, Kisame would’ve chopped off the tongue too, just so he never had to see that creepy tongue wiggle/slither again.  
3\. Orochimaru got the hell out of dodge, which was the first sign of good sense Kisame had seen from the man/snake.  
4\. They’re now short one man/snake, and good riddance.

But in any case, that meant recruitment, and Kisame hated doing recruiting. Madara was better at that anyway, given the Sharingan and the illusions...oh, damn, he really was an idiot, huh? As proven by the fact that Itachi immediately placed Deidera under an illusion as soon as they had eye contact. 

Sharingan. Still creepy and sneaky, but admittedly useful as fuck.

**

As his partner was so fond of pointing out, everything had a weakness. It took a long time but Kisame had finally figured out his.

It was a blustery day, brilliant and clear but piercingly cold. The Akatsuki robes blocked the worst of it, but they were on their way to Snow Country, and when Kisame saw the little roadside tea shop/rest stop, he suggested that they take a moment.

Itachi agreed with surprisingly little resistance. It was but the work of a moment to order - though Kisame basically just said “Hot tea and whatever snacks you have,” while Itachi actually took a moment to peruse the menu on the wall. When their tea came, Kisame spent a moment warming his hands before realizing that the hostess had given him an order of assorted tea-desserts. He looked at the plate and sipped his tea. While the tea was bracingly bitter and warm enough to make his insides feel toasty, all the delicacies on his plate looked sweet, and he wasn’t much for sweets.

Itachi also had tea and...a plate of dango. Unexpected, but not really worth commenting on.

Kisame drank his tea and half-heartedly nibbled on one of the pastries. It was probably pretty good, except for the aforementioned sweetness.

Behind the high collar of his cloak, Itachi’s mouth curved, almost like a smile. “You don’t seem to be enjoying your food.” He commented after a sip of his tea. The steam wafted gently around him.

“Enh,” Kisame replied. “I don’t do sweets.”

His partner’s smile was fond and a little distant. Kisame suspected that it was not entirely directed at him. The dango was already finished, so Kisame thought he could be rid of his unwanted order and test a hypothesis at the same time. He pushed his own plate over. Itachi slow-blinked at him.

“It will be a waste to throw away, finish it for me?” He asked, before calling for the hostess to order some more tea and a plate of more savory selections.

When they left the shop, all of their plates had been emptied. 

Kisame tested this more over the years, and Itachi didn’t seem too bothered to try hiding it. That was very like him, a study in contrasts and inconsistencies. Tiny shrimpy human with long hair and a soft spot for cute kids and a penchant for sweets that made Kisame wonder why he hadn’t lost all his teeth to cavities yet. Contrasted with being the most terrifyingly efficient genjutsu user and one of the best killers Kisame had ever known.

**

It’s pretty obvious that Kisame didn’t like kids, but he’s not quite evil enough to murder the little buggers unless there was a good reason. He didn’t much like to do it even when there IS a good reason - his shriveled little shark-heart preferred to kill things that can fight back, thanks - but sometimes it had to be done. 

Itachi loved little kids.

Oh, you can’t tell just by looking at him, no. There’s pretty much nothing you can really tell about Itachi just by looking at him, except for the obvious physical traits - and those are deceiving as hell. But it wasn’t like he danced around giving little kids piggy-back rides or patting their heads or cooing to them in baby-talk or anything that Kisame would’ve previously associated as the actions of someone who loved kids.

There was one time when they were mingling in the crowd of a small-town festival when they were temporarily sidetracked when Itachi paused in their side-mission of scoping out the hired security to return a lost little girl to her parents. One time a rambunctious crowd (ok, three) of little boys and girls stampeded by the tea shop they were resting at, and Itachi neatly prevented a full on tantrum/meltdown by a little boy who tripped and lost his stick of dango by offering his own. 

And if they absolutely had to be unsavory and kill anyone that can’t be definitively classified as an adult by both shinobi AND civilians, Itachi somehow always managed to hit them with Tsukiyomi first. It made for an uncomfortable sensation in Kisame’s stomach, like heartburn, that they always ended up dying with a smile.

He wouldn’t understand the kids thing until they were facing down a mini-Itachi with duck-butt hair, red-eyed with both Sharingan and rage. 

Itachi’s little brother explained _so_ many things about him.

**

In addition to stealing jutsu from Kisame and other shinobi that actually survive more than a few minutes against them, Itachi also seemed to be of the irritating type that can read something and retain it for thinking about later. Certainly their robes didn’t have much room for anything except some basic supplies and their weapons, but somehow if they end up in a town that they didn’t have to discreetly ex-filtrate, Itachi always managed to end up in the bookstore or library. 

After the whole deceptive appearance, uncharacteristic sweet-tooth, and being softy against little kids thing, Kisame didn’t even bother being surprised at the fact that Itachi was a giant jutsu nerd.

Days after the library or bookstore visit, Kisame would notice the teen testing little bits of new jutsu, sometimes things that were mostly harmless but surprising - Little enhancements on their sealing scrolls that seemed to somehow lighten the load, jutsus triggering on things other than chakra. 

Sometimes they were explosive, as in the case of the one time when the whole rocky clearing to the south of the village they were staying at was mysteriously lit on black fire, black fire that couldn’t be put out. Things that shouldn’t burn were burning, and everything was eventually reduced to ash. And the scary thing was, Itachi was with him the entire time that day, and they had been picking up supplies in the town center after finishing their mission days earlier.

Kisame looked in the direction of the panicked screaming, at the haze of heat rising in the distance and the dark smoke. He vaguely recalled Itachi had disappeared to run an errand in that general direction almost right after their mission had completed. “Please tell me that was you,” He finally said, “Because if it isn’t, then we have someone else running around using Amaterasu on the innocent landscape, and I’m not sure I can deal with that without a lot more incentive of the alcoholic type.”

Itachi gave him what passed for an annoyed look. Kisame was slightly relieved - because that was the ‘idiot, of course that was me’ look, but also slightly terrified.

“You figured out how to store that thing? On a timer? On a trigger?” Kisame shuddered. “Someday, kid, you’re going to accidentally burn the world down.”

 

**End


End file.
